youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
