whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
