So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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