What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
