so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
