his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
