I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
