everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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