Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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