Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are we still banned from the library?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
