Say something about gay babies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
