FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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