Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important