oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.