Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she peed on how many people?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
this is an emotional support booty call
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.