Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You made out with two different species that night
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
