last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dating After Heartbreak
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle