Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
