i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
