yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
