Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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