I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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