If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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