He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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