Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
