Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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