so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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