Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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