Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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