Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
