Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
