Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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