im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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