but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
