No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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