We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
