i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
