Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
