He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
