Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
