I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
