so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
