You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
