this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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