If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it because I queefed?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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