Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
