party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
pop tarts are not kleenex
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
