Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
