I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
