i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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