in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
