Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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