He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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