i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
