It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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