Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize