he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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