literally had 100 drinks last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
