I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
