i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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