the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
please come you make the beer taste better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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