I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
