I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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