I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
