I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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