please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
