New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize