Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize