lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
