also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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