Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
